Because.... - *1939 Red Cross Nurses* source ~ tumbler.com *...you know what they say about all work and no play!* *So, today I played. All day. No work. No ...
7 minutes ago
And so, my Life…. as a Lady…. began..!
================================================================A priest says to his friend, the rabbi, that he has a perfect way of eating for free in restaurants. “I go in at well past 9 o’clock in the evening, eat several courses slowly, linger over coffee, port and a cigar. Come 2 o’clock, as they are clearing everything away, I just keep sitting there until eventually a waiter comes up and asks me to pay. Then I say: ‘I’ve already paid your colleague who has left.’ Because I am a man of the cloth, they take my word for it, and I leave.”The rabbi is impressed, and says: “Let’s try it together this evening.”So the priest books them into a restaurant and come2 o’clock they are both still quietly sitting there after a very full meal. Sure enough, a waiter comes over and asks them to pay. The priest just says: “I’ve already paid your colleague who has left.”And the rabbi adds: “And we are still waiting for the change!”
Whilst in China, an American man is very sexually promiscuous and
does not use a condom the entire time he is there.A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning tofind his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he
immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen
anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to
return in two days for the results.The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, "I've
got bad news for you, you've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very
rare and almost unheard of here in the US, we know very little about it."The man looks a little perplexed and says, "Well, give me a shot orsomething and fix me up, Doc".The doctor answers, "I'm sorry, there's no known cure.
We're going to have to amputate your penis."The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion!!!".The doctor replies, "Well, it's your choice.. Go ahead, if you want, but
surgery is your only option."The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that
he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his
penis and proclaims,"Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease."The guy says to the doctor, "Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but
what can we do? My American doctor wants to cut off my penis!The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. "Stupid American docttah,
always want opawate. Make more money dat way.... No need
amputate!"."Oh, thank God!" the man exclaims."Yes," says the Chinese doctor, "Wait two week... Fall off by itself!"
You just gotta love these old Italian guys.
Seven retired Italian guys were playing poker in the condo
clubhouse when Guido loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his
chest, and drops dead at the table.Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other six continuebut standing up.At the end of the game, Giovanni looks around and asks, "So, who's
agonna' tell his wife?"They cut the cards. Pasquale picks the low card and has to carry
the news. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad
situation any worse. "Discreet? I'm the most discreet person you'll ever meet.Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me!"So, Pasquale goes over to the Guido's condo and knocks on the door.The wife answers through the door and asks what he wants?Pasquale declares: "Your husband just lost $500 in a poker game and
is afraid to come home.""Tell him to drop dead!" yells the wife."I'll go tell him." says Pasquale.